Mother Lion Roars

     Last fall we discovered that my daughter has dyslexia. It has been a crazy journey with many ups and downs and a lot of hard work, but I think we have finally established a routine that works for us. She is working with a fantastic tutor that uses the Orton-Gillingham approach and her 4th grade teacher is wonderfully supportive and accommodating. 

     What amazes me, however, is the rudeness and ignorance of a (thankfully) small number of people I have come up against.  My daughter works very hard for her grades, good and bad.  She struggles with the remnants of her "pre-dyslexia-discovery" self esteem that made her feel inept.  She now knows there is a reason for her struggles and understands it's not something she's doing wrong, but one rude comment brings back those feelings of insecurity. 

     Out of respect for my daughter and other dyslexics, I have compiled a small list of do's and don'ts (mostly don'ts) for those people who are unfamiliar with dyslexia.  These are just a few ideas to help you not get off on the wrong foot with the parent or the dyslexic themselves.  I'm sure I'll be adding to this list as our journey progresses. 

The Don'ts

1)  When you first learn of my daughter's dyslexia, please do not respond with " But she seems so smart!" She IS smart, as are a vast majority of dyslexics. 

      Ron Davis, who wrote the book The Gift of Dyslexia believes that all dyslexics have certain talents:

1. They can utilize the brain's ability to alter and create perceptions (the primary ability).
2. They are highly aware of the environment.
3. They are more curious than average.
4. They think mainly in pictures instead of words.
5. They are highly intuitive and insightful.
6. They think and perceive multi-dimensionally (using all the senses).
7. They can experience thought as reality.
8. They have vivid imaginations.

     I personally have yet to meet a dyslexic that isn't smart, but in case you need proof that dyslexics are intelligent, here's a list of some famous dyslexics:

• Alexander Graham Bell
• Pierre Curie
• Thomas Edison
• Albert Einstein
• Leonardo Da Vinci
• Andy Warhol
• Robin Williams
• Erin Brokovich
• George Patton
• Pablo Picasso
• Tommy Hilfiger
• Auguste Rodin
• John Lennon
• Bruce Jenner
• Muhammad Ali
• King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden
• Andrew Jackson
• Thomas Jefferson
• John F Kennedy
• Nelson Rockefeller
• Winston Churchill
• Henry Ford
• Agatha Christie
• F Scott Fitzgerald
• Steven Spielberg

    .....and the list goes on and on. 

2) Please do not tell me that you think you're dyslexic because you sometimes transpose letters or numbers.  That is not dyslexia.  That is being human. 
   Likewise, true dyslexia is not a "vision" problem; it is a language processing disorder.  Dyslexics have trouble connecting sounds to letters.  Think of yourself reading a foreign language, unsure of how to pronounce the foreign sounds.  Doesn't make much sense to you, does it?

3)  Please do not whine to me that it is unfair that my child gets to "take shortcuts with homework" while your child has to do the entire assignment.  I personally don't think that it's fair that my child has this condition that makes it extremely difficult for her to finish her work in class and results in hours of homework each night.  While your child is out playing and enjoying being a kid, my child is sitting beside me at the kitchen table for hours, struggling to put the brilliant ideas in her head on paper. 
    Yes, my daughter listens to audio books.  Yes, her grandmother reads her reading assigment with her every night. Yes, I read the questions to her.  Yes, I write down her answers for her.  No, I do not do her homework.  I write what she tells me, even if I'm aware it's incorrect.  Yes, she does earn the A's she gets. 
    
4)  Please do not insult me or my child's school because "it wasn't caught earlier".  All children have strengths and weaknesses and each child learns at different pace.  Also, dyslexics have an uncanny ability to adapt to their environment and compensate for their weaknesses.  In my daughter's case, she has an over-developed auditory learning style.  If you say it, she'll remember it.  When tested, she scored 150 in her auditory learning.  Average is between 90 and 110.  (See Item #1 above.)

5) Please do not comment on the messy condition of my house or car or on the exhaustion on my face.  My "free" time is spent sitting at the kitchen table helping my daughter with hours of homework, sometimes well past both our bedtimes.  (See Item #3 above.)  Throw in my son's sports practices and games, band practices and performances, my daughter's ballet classes, youth group, and church and school activities, and we are lucky to have clean clothes and dinner most days!

The Do's

1)  Do offer assistance in any way you can.  No, I don't always allow anyone else to sit with my daughter and do her homework (too many cooks!), but I will gladly accept your offer to take my son to basketball practice! With our special dietary considerations, I may not accept your offer of a meal, but I'm sure other families facing the same struggles will. I'm blessed to have a strong support system, but not all families do.

2) Do encourage my child's strengths and don't dwell on her difficulties.  Compliment her artwork, her sense of humor, her caring heart, etc.  She already knows she has trouble reading and spelling.  She doesn't need you to point that out to her.

3) Do hold your tongue when you do not agree with something we are doing.  Chances are, if you were in our place, you'd do the same thing.   Our routine right now works for us, but I'm sure it will continue to evolve as schoolwork gets harder and my daughter's treatment progresses. 



Please do not think I'm complaining about any of this.  I love my daughter, embrace her differences, and wouldn't have her any other way.  I believe God, in His divine wisdom, knew exactly what He was doing when He created her and will continue to guide her down the path He has chosen for her. He has blessed her with many gifts and talents, above all a snappy sense of humor and the ability to laugh at her own shortcomings.  She and her brother are both very special blessings and I'm thankful to be their Mom.