Good news for lemonade drinkers everywhere! (And things I never thought I'd say or do.)

On Saturday, August 20th, 2011, from noon to 3 p.m. activists will meet on the west lawn of the White House to sell lemonade.  Children across the nation are encouraged to open lemonade stands that day, so please be prepared to support your neighborhood vendors!

Now on a completely different note.....

Before becoming a mother to Mr. J and Miss Lo, I never dreamed that one day the words "please take my swimsuit off the dog" would ever come out of my mouth.  In the last 11.5 yrs, I have had conversations that even the most imaginative author could never have imagined.

     Miss Lo:  What does it mean when Belle licks me?
     Mom:  It means she likes you.
     Miss Lo:  What does it mean when I lick her?
     Mom with a hand to her head:  Please.  Don't.  Lick.  The.  Dog. 

I've been expected to know the answers to things that I really have never thought about, nor particularly wanted to. 

     Mr. J:  How do cows communicate?
     Mom:  I have no idea.
     Mr. J:  They must just moo.
     Mom:  Probably.
     Mr. J:  So "mooooooooo" means "I love youuuuuuuu"? 

And there are things that I never dreamed I'd be doing, such as sitting in the freezing rain watching a soccer game, only to look around and discover the other parents in their cozy warm cars.  Or enduring four performances of the same ballet only because my three year old was in it for 45 seconds.  Or apologizing to a deli clerk at the Fresh Market rotisserie:

     Mr. J:  What is that thing??
     Deli Clerk:  That's a roasted chicken.
     Mr. J:  That's not a chicken.
     Deli Clerk, slightly amused:  That's definitely a chicken.
     Mr. J:  Is it a baby?
     Deli Clerk:  No.  It's full grown.
     Mr. J:  Why's it so small?
     Deli Clerk:  I don't know.  Just a small chicken, I guess.
     Mr. J:  That's the scrawniest chicken I've ever seen!
     Mom:  I'll take two, please.

And of course, I'm now expected to be the foremost expert on all subjects, from inserting pads into football pants, to transforming crazy curls into a perfectly smooth ballet bun.  Oh, and a foreign language translator:

     Miss Lo:  Mom, what does "no comprende" mean?
     Mom:  I don't understand.
     Miss Lo:  What does "no comprende" mean?
     Mom:  I don't understand.
     Miss Lo, enunciating clearly:  What...does..."no...comprende"...mean?
     Mom:  Lo, it means "I don't understand".
     Miss Lo:  Oh.

I would be remiss if I forgot to mention that I'm now an expert in healthcare.  From the normal bruises, scrapes, fevers, and tummyaches to asthma, Osgood Schlatter, eczema, and blepharitis.  Oh, and let's not forget braces and expanders!  I mean, really.  How many people get the privilege of saying, "Come here, Lo.  We need to turn your screw"?

All in all, it's been an incredible adventure.  I'm much smarter than I was 11.5 years ago.  I may be a bit more exhausted and I certainly have a few more grays, but I wouldn't change a minute.  

Well, maybe the night Mr. J woke me up at 2 a.m. asking if he could have some pudding.....